Last write-up

At some point, u have to stop what u are looking for,

What u are hunting for

What u are seeking for

The urge of knowing the answer~

The desperate emotions to know the result~

The pray asking for changing~

But what i did realised, ALLAH swt wrote the most beautifull storyline of mylife n every muslims

Miracle

Surprise

Test 

I keep my journey EAT.PRAY.LOVE

Coz "life must go on"

This end up of my last storyline write up for this 

Butterfleet.blogspot

End

Sep 16,2015  8am

Here we are again

Kun fa ya kun

Berserah & redha

Masih dicabar kesabaran aku

Namun,aku guna kawarasan utk tabah

Aku menangis,ramai juga yg aku tangiskan

Oh life~ 

Fuck it!

This anxiety

This curiousity

This humality 

;( poor me. Fuck! Poor me

Pinjaman

Selalu dengar, Allah hadirkan seseorang dlm hidup seseorang kerana bersebab..

Dunia ini pinjaman

Mcm loan, kita pinjam tapi kena pulangkan

Begitu juga tuhan pinjamkan kita seseorang untuk dikenali..

Tapi Dia maha esa, boleh bila2 masa menghilangkan seseorang

Aku xsalahkan dgn apa berlaku. Redha.

Aku kuat,inshaallah....

Ni second time aku dibuang/ diabaikan...

Aku manusia,wanita dan ibu..

Jika ada aturanMu yang bisa mengubah kesedihanku, aku memohon doronganMu ya Allah...

Yes. Aku bersedia.

Amin

Permudahkanlah

Ya allah

Aku hambamu yang hina. 

Aku hambamu yang lemah

Tunjuklah aku jalan hidupku dgn nur hidayahmu

Aku sungkur,akur

Berikan aku ruang ketenangan, 

Hilangkan kesedihan

Ya allah, yang maha pengasuh dan maha penyayang

;|

Heart shape

Y i must deal with this?

Ya allah

Apa aturanmu? Aku xmahu layan situasi drama yang hanya melibatkan budak cina 19 tahun,masih mentah, sosial,masih belum tahu fokus dunia, wahai sharon.

U can have him if he love u too 

Jangan bermain dgn hati, sesungguh perlu pengorbanan

And my dear mr.Y

you may have your fun love. Leave the reality n this boring life ;( 

Ya allah ya tuhanku,

dgn mu aku selalu berbisik

Tuliskan aku jalan yang terbaik

Jika perjalanan ke Jannahmu, perbaiki diri kami yang daif dan sesat ini

Jika jalanmu perpisahan, ko kuatkanlah aku demi anak anakku Ian Harith dan Nia Amany.

Amin,ya rabbalalamin 

17aug2015...

September coming

A year come, a year go
Here is my story dated 16Aug 2015 1:12am

Saddess,confussed,angered,frustrated as i found more more evidence of my unfaithful marriage story.
Day by day,hour by hour, minutes by minutes i am waiting for Allah help.

Until today~ none

Maybe its not the time yet.

My question: then when???

Wheres the miracle?

As far as now i am dealing with tears,stressed and dillema- like dumb

Not many days to go 6th Sept
I want this story end.

If HE want to back to this family, please do so.
Fuck all the shit scandalisme with anyone. Back to us

If u goes 50/50, oh my dear... Please separated with us :(

If he decide nothing change, then SAYONARA to us

Custody of our kids,with me.

Dun bring the risk n harmful this family- wishing~

Dear Mr.Y please decide.

Amin

Lima.ogos.2015

I am not trying to run

But how to hide from something "haunted"?

When i am trying to reach him, then i failed as my mind haunted by something that couldnt be erased?

I talked with someone, asking bout to cure / mend the broken hearted

Answers: still same. Only me,myself could change it

I asked second men, answer, only u the one who can change the story

There only ways i figure it out:

-drugs / medication

- new hobby

-new type of friend

-count on theraphy

- create 2nd me (dillusional)

But, i will make a choice (the above) once i give up "one day"

Now, with my rationale,i keep n giving my soul to dear mighty Allah swt

Dear Ian & Nia, u are my strenght

Bless us. Show us the right way

Ya Allah~

Deceiving

In relationship

Better if,

We both are friend.... Lively & lovely

But

In us,we dont have it

Its ok. I'll better walk-away 

#day29nia

Who need space?

Everyone does

...

The one u hurt

The one who's hurting

... 

For me

How?

#day28Nia 

Undecided

Ya allah

Things  still undone

And it wont be done, if i didnt do something

Y i have to face this? 

Oh holy syawal

The cherish syawal was never be the same again~

Bye bye ramadhan

#ramadhandontgo #scarestthingever #alone #loser #syawal2015

1 july 2015: miracle. Syukur

Waiting.. Waiting.. 

Now masa yg aku tunggu,tiba... 

My little princess.. Miss Nia.

Syukur padamu ya Allah.. Now keluarga yg ku bina 3+1

************************

Namun, aku masih ada SATU lagi agenda yang belum selesai  :(

This agenda was the 2nd major thinggy of my life..

I can't pray / sujood to u Ya Allah. But, i can warmth my dhua to u...

How my journey story? How u write it? 

I can forgive to someone, but my mind keep recall. Makes the anger n drama recall.

Cant forget.... 

I try try try try, even until today, the joyous day of Nia on my arm

BUT   ~

;(    Oh my 2nd chapter... 

I belief u write the best, kun fayakun 

Sigh~ 

Mungkin ini tertulis oleh Mu yg maha esa

Ini takdir..

Ini yg tertulis

Sudah 37minggu.. Aku cuba kuat

Banyak cabaran...

Sungguh diduga..

Mungkin bukan diriku yg dia cintai

Aku redha

........

Jika jalan perpisahan, telah ditulis...aku terima

Jika hanya dugaan sementara, Allah juga aturkan penyatuan

.....

Tapi yg pasti, diriku amat HINA disisinya~  ya allah 

Kuatkanlah aku,demi anak anakku  :(

untuk apa?

 

kini ku tahu bila cinta
tak bertumpu pada status
semua orang tahu bila
kita sepasang kekasih
namun status tak menjamin cinta

 

kini ku tahu bila cinta
tak bertumpu pada lidah
lidah bisa berkata
namun hati tak sejalan
kata-kata tak menjamin cinta oh

 

untuk apa
untuk apa cinta tanpa kejujuran
untuk apa cinta tanpa perbuatan
tak ada artinya

 

untuk apa
untuk apa cinta tanpa pembuktian
untuk apa status kita pertahankan bila sudah tak lagi cinta

 

kini ku tahu bila cinta tak bertumpu pada lidah
lidah bisa berkata namun hati tak sejalan
kata-kata tak menjamin cinta oh

 

untuk apa, untuk apa cinta tanpa kejujuran
untuk apa cinta tanpa perbuatan, tak ada artinya
untuk apa, untuk apa cinta tanpa pembuktian
untuk apa status kita pertahankan bila sudah tak lagi cinta

 

untuk apa kita pertahankan

untuk apa, untuk apa cinta tanpa pembuktian
untuk apa status kita pertahankan bila sudah tak lagi cinta
untuk apa, untuk apa cinta tanpa pembuktian
untuk apa status kita pertahankan bila sudah tak lagi cinta, untuk apa

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8nFvZEI6Ec

 

:(

maudy ayunda...................................... counting time

not Rihanna songs please ~

"What Now"

I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn't be crying,
tears were for the weaker days
I'm stronger now, or so I say,
But something's missing

Whatever it is,
it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is,
it's just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What now?

I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again

Whatever it is,
it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is,
it's just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Please tell me
What now?

There's no one to call 'cause I'm just playing games with them all
The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone
'Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can't even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Somebody tell me
What now?
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh oh why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh oh why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh oh why So what now?

for muslim, everyday is Mother's day

 

 

staying strong............ no body cares about you #34weeks #lonelypregnantlady

distance

 

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up? 
Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you'll understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have

So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
 
Make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
How long 'til we call this love, love, love?

.........

passenger~

"Let Her Go"

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go .......

He said 17.04

"Kamu harus sabar & byk mendekati Allah"

"Lakukan yg sunat jika mampu. Allah swt pasti ada jalan yg terbaik bagi kamu"

.

.

.

Baiklah. Terima kasih si penasihat~  

kuat

 

people stop me from writing.

 

because I am writing a TRUTH.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ya allah, kuatkan aku

ya allah, tenangkan aku

 

 

 

 

 

ya allah........ peliharalah akidah aku. Aku ingin belajar dan menjadi ISTERI YANG SOLEHAH & IBU YANG MITHALI.

 

 

amin amin~

more reading ~

 

day by day

 

keep my feet move and my heart stronger...

 

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

left-over?

 

I am not confident

 

I think there only ONE solution... of this sickness

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I am start reading (under Islamic law...)

 

 

 

 

 

I am sorry~